day 3

so. here's the thing. 

no matter how brilliantly i start the day, how unsnoozed the waking up, how perfect the morning, a meditation and a workout later, slowly, unnoticed, almost knowingly, a sense of sustained, existential loneliness trickles and collects. and then starts seeping in.  like rainwater seeping into earth through permeable pavers so it never pools on top. it shouldn't pool on top, and it can't always find the storm drains to run off to when it needs to quickly. so. 

it makes me doubt if I was really, at all, ever made for this world. it is too matter-of-fact, too unfeeling, too crowded, too rushed, too strange, too much for me at times. oftentimes. 

i feel like a forsaken and lost pariah. 

...


They mostly do this using meditative silence, stiffened bodies, constant floor /ceiling stare and non-stop monitoring of the level indicator. There is also an unwritten spatial algorithm of how two humans in an elevator will distribute themselves : usually opposite corners maximizing diagonal distance. Like a two dot die face. 

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