day 4

in the final scene of A Beautiful Mind, an old John Nash, after fighting hallucinations for a lifetime,  asks a student if she can see anyone standing beside him. Upon hearing a no, he simply ignores the imaginary person talking away urgently, desperately demanding his attention. he walks down the university corridor not paying heed to the speaker. 

walking, sleeping, surviving alongside anxiety has been a similar cognitive learning for me and became a habit over last one year. anxiety. or the nonstop noise in my head throughout the day. or paralysing fears at waking every dawn. or the high alert state of mind at all times. I dont fight. I walk alongside and do what must be done.

it is strange - this anxious high alert being. as if anyone could die any minute again. and this time around, I have to be attentive and not be busy living. 

...


Which is why it was unexpected to find two strangers standing almost side by side in an elevator in The Zephyr, leaning lightly against the back railing, looking at some common point on the closed metal door in contemplative silence. The lift was ascending steadily till it shuddered to a sudden dead stop. A metallic thud of the brakes, and then with a pop, the lights died. 

It was past midnight. Xena and Yash were stuck halfway between 11th and 12th floors.

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